The First Clambake Video Smackdown… Or is it?
Filed under Contest, copywriting, marketing, Review by on Jul 16th, 2010. Comment. 
Okay… okay… I went soft.
What’s here is not a smackdown per se. It’s more of a kind and gentle nudging.
What happened was I edited this conversation so as not to come across as attacking the other party. I just didn’t want to hold him to the flame when that’s not what he signed up for in the first place.
And who is this other party?
None other than Eric Barton… the winner of last week’s contest.
In payment for winning the little “contest” Eric won 20 minutes on the phone with me. For those 20 minutes Eric wanted me to talk to him about his own website.
Sort of a hotseat kind of thing.
And the truth is, the seat got a little heated as we went over the 20 minutes… and even past 30.
But I didn’t want to to put it all out there. I’m not looking to crush anyone in public.
Plus… I figured you guys could talk about all the stuff I cut out. Because even though there are a couple learning moments… an exercise and a big takeaway in this call, there are obvious copywriting 101 mistakes I left out of the video.
I leave those to you all to point out. Let’s start a discussion so we can all help Eric together.
Plus… I want to hear from you all about whether or not “going soft” is the right thing to do in this instance.
I mean, I told Eric I may be using this call on the Clambake and he gave his approval… Does that mean all bets are off? Is a verbal smackdown then okay?
I want to know what you think. Be sure to chime in…
Also… let me know if you want to see more of these kinds of videos in the future.
Anyway… here goes.
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Comments on The First Clambake Video Smackdown… Or is it?
Having been in the Vin Montello “hot seat” before, I felt for the guy
(Though, not really, you were just right on him… in fact, if he listens to you, he’s downright lucky).
But, I think the biggest thing Eric can do in order to “make it easy for the client to give you money” is to work on his offer. Either create a free offer to get the clients on the phone… (such as a search engine evaluation where you tell the client how terrible he’s doing compared to the competition… or a free submission of some sort)….
Or make existing SEO packages more benefit oriented.
What I mean by this is most clients have no idea what “On site optimization” is. Heck, they probably even think their multi-thousand dollar website is perfect.
As a result, you may create a package called, “The Ultimate Google Domination Lead Generation Package”. Inside you offer articles, press releases, and directories known to give top rankings fast and pull in leads like crazy. Plus, you even make sure the client’s site is 100% Google friendly to guarantee they rise to the top… leaving the competition in the dust.
In other words, you don’t offer “on site optimization”… but, you make sites Google loves to give high rankings to… and without it… it’s near impossible to overcome the better prepared competition.
Thanks For The Consult Time Vin. Like we spoke about I was taking a typical site and combining a marketing feel to stand out but like you said missed the headline fact on that to draw people into it like I do on my book and copywriting site.
I’m testing some headlines now and appreciate the help and look forward to speaking to you again. Look out for the new fans of your marketing clambake blog coming your way already-
So I’m a total newbie and my 2 cents aren’t worth as much as the veterans… I think your approach was fine b/c it allowed those teachable moments to come through clearly (instead of laughing at Eric or feeling empathy for him…).
I’d definitely love to see more vids like this, and I’m sure experienced copywriters would as well.
As far as Eric’s site, I’d say the header isn’t enhancing his copy. When I think SEO I think computers, but being in the IM space may be why. So the corporate bldg doesn’t relate to SEO to me… but that’s just me, and like I said I’m a newb. And also there isn’t a pic of him which I usually see on copywriters’ sites.
Good idea there, Hans… and Anilia… everyone’s a noob at one point. Good looking out…
Now I ask you all… and everyone else…
Eric’s page contains at least 1 huge no no for online copy. Eric and I spoke about it but I left it off the video.
Tell me what it is.
I’ll lay the smackdown since Vin is a softie
.
The two biggest problems with Eric’s site are:
1. serif font
2. White text on a black background
Forget the copy…I’m not even getting that far!
Personally, I would close the page immediately because it’s hard to read. Don’t make me work for it. I’m not going to read something if it hurts my eyes.
Also, that massive header image is doing you no favors (besides having your phone number in it).
Put a photo in there. Who are you Eric? Are you even a real person? Show me.
Great video thanks Vin.
I’d guess the no no’s white text on a black background.
Matt, I thought the same thing. I immediately click away from any site that isn’t making it easy on my eyes. I did like the header, though, black background and all. Perhaps keeping some of the design elements for the top part of the page would work.
Vin, did you go too hard on him? I don’t think so. Besides, if you ask for advice you have to accept the criticism as long as it’s given honestly. But I would continue to moderate the degree of my criticism when the video goes out for public consumption. Some egos, especially for younger folks, are very fragile (not talking about Eric, specifically, but for anyone you critique in the future). Geezers like me don’t mind.
Thanks everyone…I know white on black is harder then white on black,but when tried other way left background white and could not see anything but middle text. Trying other options now.
It converts good on leads for newsletter/report now and brings in great clients now as well for seo and my marketing consulting, but would like to improve the readership and response on site for even better results.
I do hear a theme right now that some people are leaving without reading anything due to harder to read being on black background…obviously an important issue and thanks.
web guy said figured out to do the black text on white background and i’ll figure out the text style to help on visual reading. Said will do this weekend and told him he better because I might have an angry clambaking mob ready to go off on me-thanks for all the comments
Eric,
I think what the copywriters here are saying is black on white, black on white, black on white. Middle text or not, that’s what works.
In fact I have a client I wrote a very successful letter for last year. He tested and tweaked every element of it till it was working like a well oiled machine. He finally called me and said, “Okay… I’ve tested everything you told me to. I’m about to just leave this letter alone… is there one thing you can think of that I haven’t tested?”
I told him to test removing the background color on his page. He wasn’t doing white text on black, but he had a black background. He didn’t want to change the background to white because he didn’t like the look of the floating text in the middle of white.
But he did it… and god’s honest truth — he doubled conversions.
What I’m saying is so what if you don’t like the way it looks. Test it to see if it works better. And as I said to you on the phone, Eric… I’ve never seen white on black outperform the reverse.
Oh and Matt and Andrew pretty much nailed the big one. And Matt was also 100% correct on his second catch. Sans serif font on a website is much easier to read than a serif.
No angry mob, Eric. We’re just trying to help.
i was only kidding about the angry mob vin. I appreciate all the feedback and got the designer re working on the color of background for better visual and will change the fonts for sure.
Damn, I was so going to crack on the reversed type…
Oh well.
The video critique was okay. I expect a little more asswhoppin next time. Not to see you go off, but to get the cold hard truth (that’s why I like Carlton)
In my mind Vin Montello = pure tell it like it is. You can kick my ass all day and I will thank you for it. (seriously)
I love the blog Vin and I am elated every time I see one of your emails. I just gave Makepeace the boot if that let’s you in on my preferences.
Oh yeah, that little part about the headline rule you follow was golden. In fact we should all mail you a check for $10 for reminding us.
You rock. The friggin blog rocks. Nuff said.
thanks paul.
BTW… I was going to post this tomorrow but…
I decided today I don’t like going easy. I’m gonna have to let those I critique have it with both barrels. It’s what I always did on the forums and many others out there I assume expect it from me. It’s also what I do on paid critiques.
Eric got off easy.
So… let this be the warning to all of you… if you win 20 minutes with me in the future, strap yourself in.
PS – Get back on Clayton’s list. I’ll never get off it.
I’ve got to say, please get rid of those annoying lines… the six of them at the top in your lead. They’re giving me a headache. Those definitely are not headlines or even a subhead.
I definitely don’t like the white print on black background. How about if you did black print of a gray background. Or if you went with a transparent background where the text goes and have your other background show through the transparent part. But please, don’t use a black background.
I like the blue glass buildings and the silver header. That is pretty cool.
Please show me the rare blend of technique and the unique skill you use writing unlocked for the sure fire results. I don’t see any of this. You’re throwing a bunch of words out there, but that’s all they are. There’s no substance or proof.
Paint me a picture of what this is like. Use your five senses of texture, taste, sight, sound and smell. You can show me the smell of money and the taste of success with your strategies.
You do too much telling and not enough showing. I just don’t see the proof in what you say.
Also go with a separate page for each service you provide. Use one idea or line of thought per page. You’ll look more like a specialist instead of a generalist. Plus the shotgun approach usually doesn’t work very well.
And with a page per service, you have more time and space to go more in depth. You really don’t even scratch the surface with what you have there. You need longer and more in depth copy.
Vin, it probably is best to go with both barrels. That’s how we learn, by an honest and thorough critique… no sugar coating.
Hey, how do I get a real photo of me on here?
Look at that… Who woulda thought Trease would give the smackdown instead!?! Nice going!
As for how you get a real photo on these comments, I don’t remember. I know it’s a service you have to sign up for that basically has your avatar follow you from site to site. Someone else may be able to answer that question. I forgot how I did it.
http://en.gravatar.com/
That should help you out Trease
Now I remember how I did it.
Matt told me how!
thanks everyone and trease theres proof all over the site like on home page, clients speak, and more. You might have not see a lot of that if you didn’t look around everywhere.
Like I said got the whip down on the designer for the background and i’ll start adjusting the text and font.
And Thanks Again Everyone and Vin Thanks For The Consult. I definitely wanted advice and feedback and am putting into motion right away.
Oh ya by the way-I talked to the designer about adding an extra button last week as well to seperate the seo from marketing and he’s hopefully will have that completed over the weekend or soon as well. Thanks
I’d love more than anything to be in the hot seat and just getting hammered by Vin. haha
Honestly…
I care way more about making more money than making my marketing ego feel good.
Ruthless feedback will make you more money if you toss yourself aside and just focus on results.
…I like that saying… Sexing up the headline.
My opinion for the contest is the guest comment: The fire’s gone out and the party’s over… until we meet again for the next clambake. Can you change so people know that the comment really didn’t come from a no-name guest? Thanks.
thanks trease. My opinion is that’s a little long for a constant sign off. But we’ll see what everyone else thinks.
You’re probably right. It’s different writing a column in print for a paper and since that’s what I do, I’m thinking along different lines.
To be honest, I really don’t like any of them… including mine. They’re all missing that special zing that really says it all in the sign off, or even sounds like you.
I still think you should do something along the lines of closing the party down, but keeping the spot on the beach open for the next clambake. You need something that brands you and the clambake. It should tie in with the blog theme or at least ties in with your last paragraphs and flows from them, so it doesn’t look like some lame afterthought stuck out there that doesn’t seem to have anything to do with anything.
But that’s just me, and I could be wrong.
I’ll see if I can think of anything pithy and let you know.
Hopefully someone will add something great but as of now there are 2 or 3 for me to choose from. We’ll see what happens.
I’ve thrown my hat in the ring…It’s Hollywood Or Bust!
(tag on optional ‘…Baby’ if feeling frisky)
Eric, that’s good you have proof all over the site, but I was critiquing only what Vin put up on the video, not the whole site. You also do need to put the proof on this page.
Think about it this way, what if someone Googles you and get directed to this one page only? They won’t go any further to look for the proof if it isn’t mentioned on this page.
The proof needs to be everywhere. It’s good you’re thinking of the big picture, but the little details are equally important. I’m a gal and tend to look at and focus more on the details. Most guys tend to focus on the big picture. And both should be done.
Put some of those great client speaks testimonials on your home page. Those are totally cool, well written and get the proof across.
Write your home page the way you wrote the Clients Speak and Services pages. I really like the style and dynamics of the copy on those two pages. Those two pages really grab me and hook me. You’ve got powerful writing on those two pages.
Write your home page the same way and you will blow people’s socks off and compel them to use your services. Keep the proof everywhere for continuity and flow. And for those who find your site by Google or Bing.
You’re a good writer Eric. I think you were just trying too hard on the home page. Just relax, get in the groove and rhythm like you did on those other two pages and you’ll be hitting home runs.
I really love your header and the graphics on it. You could keep the black background up there only. The blue glass high-rise buildings and the silver header is so cool. That part is really attractive and lures me in.
You’ve got some good stuff going on.
Hey wow. I actually did it and have my own gravatar. Cool. Thanks Matt.
Great crit, Vin. I actually thought your tone was right on. Raping this guy’s ego might’ve made for better theater, but taking someone out just for sport usually causes them to miss the lesson (because they’re busy Google earthing your house and plotting your death). That’s been my experience anyway.
Anyway, the Clambake is rockin’. Keep it up.